Nothing That is Happening in Your Mind is Happening Right Now

As humans we think a lot. We think about ourselves, everything we do or say to others, every decision we make. Damn, that was good, I rocked that one! Why did I say that? I should have done that better. When will I learn to have more patience, or to speak up?

We think, we rehash, and we worry.

Here's the thing. The vast majority of our suffering happens in our heads. And nothing that is happening in our heads is happening right now.

Let that sink in for a moment, because it is very freeing. Nothing that is happening in our heads is happening right now.

This really begs the question, what is happening right now that we are missing? If we are spending so much time and energy rehashing what has already happened, and worrying about what hasn't happened yet, how can we possibly be noticing, let alone appreciating, what is happening right now?

I think about this quite a bit as it pertains to my parenting.

I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting with my kids playing a game or reading a book while my mind is elsewhere. The game might have been fun, the book might have been interesting, and the connection with them certainly would have been beautiful. I wasn't there.

Or how many times my kids have asked me to play with them but I've been too preoccupied with holding on to something that is gone or anticipating something that may or may not happen later. I might have had fun, we would have bonded. I missed it, and so did they.

This happens in so many other areas of our lives as well. We are working on an interesting project but thinking about how our boss criticized our last one. We are hoping to gain recognition for this one, or worrying it will fail. I battle these thoughts as I anticipate starting a business, all of the "what if's" push their way into my thinking and affect all aspects of my work.

We are out with friends trying to enjoy a fun evening but we are thinking about a failed joke or ill-received comment we made a few minutes back. We are worrying about everything we "should" be doing instead of having fun.

We could be enjoying productive and interesting work, but we aren't. We could be enjoying our friends, but we aren't really there with them.

It seems we miss a lot while we are living in our heads.

Why are we thinking and worrying so much? The reality is that the past is gone. Learn from it and let it go. Repair something if you need to, celebrate something if you can, and move on. Staying there prevents us from being here, and here is the only place we really can be. Here is where the magic happens.

The future hasn't happened yet, and trust me, our thoughts are not reality. They are just thoughts. Thoughts that are a waste of time if they are removing us from the moment, leading us to miss potentially wonderful experiences, and causing us unnecessary suffering.

Simple but not easy. Our minds are wired to perceive threat, to judge and think critically, to catastrophize, all as survival mechanisms. When we are not in life or death situations, however, our minds, if left untrained, lead us to other places and to unnecessary suffering.

Experience the moment we are in. It may feel uncomfortable, and that is ok, allow it to be. It won't last. It may feel joyous, allow it to be and enjoy it. It won't last. It may feel connected, relish it. It won't last. It may feel disconnected or alone, it's ok. It won't last.

Regardless of how the present moment feels, let's quiet our minds and be in it.

After all, we don't want to miss anything.