Chasing Butterflies

“Don’t waste your time chasing butterflies. Mend your garden and the butterflies will come.” — Mario Quintana

We spend a lot of time and energy chasing the things that we want: love, money, happiness, success, material things, etc. Our society has been very effective at convincing us that it is the chasing of these things, and the attainment of them, that will make us happy and fulfilled. These are things you achieve, accomplish, produce and that all requires work…you cannot just stay in one place and expect it to come to you, it requires a chase.

It’s not really society’s fault, this is actually a condition of human nature. The Buddhists call it craving, and other spiritual and religious traditions have similar names for it. There is nothing wrong with us that we want these things, that we chase happiness, it is just part of being human. The problem is that we as a society have decided that we can actually achieve it, that we can actually chase these things, catch them, keep them, and then finally be happy. Not so. In fact, it is the chasing of these things that often leads us to greater unhappiness.

Here’s how it works: we chase something, we obtain it and feel a brief period of satisfaction before we realize that this isn’t enough, that there is more. Where we are isn’t good enough, and we want the more, so the chase continues. Once we get the more, the same thing happens. We find ourselves forever chasing the next thing, never remaining in our own garden and appreciating its beauty, always wanting the more that we are convinced resides in the next garden.

While we are doing all of this chasing, we are neglecting something very important. We are neglecting ourselves, who we are, and what we already have right here in our own garden. We chase these things because there is something inside us that is telling us we don’t have enough, and that is based in a belief that we are not enough. This is human nature, and it’s playing a trick on us. We are enough, and if we allow ourselves to truly look at what we have, many of us will find that we actually do have enough.

Today I celebrate one of those milestone birthdays. It’s one of the birthdays that as a younger person I thought would never come because it always seemed so “old” and far away, but that I also thought would be some kind of end point. I’d finally have “arrived” and have all of those things that society told me would make me happy. Here I am, and I actually do have most of those things. I chased them, I caught them, and now I have them. And yes, I am often quite happy, but not because I have those things. Ironic, yes? I still have periods of time when I don’t feel happy, when I don’t feel satisfied, when I think if I just chase a few more butterflies, if I just check out what’s that next garden, THEN I will have achieved that lasting happiness I was sure in my younger years that someday I could achieve.

What I have learned over the years, however, is that the happiness I was chasing was actually here with me all along. It was right here in my own garden. Instead of continuing to chase those butterflies, I have realized that my happiness resides in embracing the ever-changing nature of life and the ever-changing landscape of my own garden. Much like we need all kinds of weather to make our gardens grow, we need all kinds of experiences to keep our lives rich. That includes embracing the weeds, the critters who dig holes and munch on our plants, the rain and snow that sometimes seem as if they will never end, the seasonal death and rebirth of the plants in our gardens, and the failure and grief we sometimes experience when something in our gardens does not thrive, or dies prematurely. When we can do this and tend to what is actually happening in our own gardens, in our own lives, moment to moment, the butterflies will find us again and again. We will no longer feel the need to chase them.

I continue the work to remain in the present moment as much as I can and to stop chasing the butterflies I once convinced myself held the keys to my happiness. The butterflies are beautiful, but they are elusive. There is happiness in experiencing them for the brief period of time that we have them in our presence, but there must also be happiness in allowing them to move on. There must be happiness in appreciating the garden that they found beautiful enough to visit. The butterflies found what they needed there. We can too.