Most of us have close friends. Most of us have casual friends and acquaintances, colleagues, and others with whom we interact regularly. We rely on these relationships for a lot. We rely on them for companionship, emotional support, advice. We rely on them to help us when we are in need. We rely on them to help us feel more connected and less alone in the world.

Yet, there are often times when, despite the existence of these relationships in our lives, we feel terribly alone. We feel this way even when we are with these important people. It has always amazed me somewhat that I sometimes feel less alone and lonely when I am by myself than when I am in the physical presence of others.

Perhaps, then, it is not just the physical presence of others that helps us feel loved, supported, and connected.

Lets think about what makes us a good friend to these people who love us. For many of us I imagine we can come up with several wonderful qualities. We listen well, are open and warm, don’t judge, are understanding and forgiving, are fun to be with. If we are having trouble coming up with these qualities ourselves, perhaps we can ask our close friends to tell us what they think makes us good friends.

I was once asked to reflect on what makes me a good friend to myself. It is an interesting question, and one I found very difficult to answer.

Many of us tend to be our own worse critics. Where we tend to see beauty and light in those we love, we tend to see flaws and shortcomings in ourselves. We don’t measure up. We have trouble forgiving our own mistakes, when we would freely give this to our friends. We judge ourselves harshly when we would be understanding and open to a friend in the same situation.

It begs the question, do we want to be our own best friend, or our own worst enemy? And if we choose to be our own worst enemy, can we truly be anyone else’s best friend?

Throughout our lives we have times when we feel alone, disconnected, lonely. It is part of life. Sometimes it is response to a change to or ending in an important relationship. Sometimes it is a response to disconnection due to busy lives and limited opportunities to get together with others. Sometimes it is because we are going through something difficult that leads us to feel alone.

We don’t ever have to be alone, however. We are always connected to the universe, to the unconditional love provided here. If we participate in organized religion and believe in God, Goddess, or another collective, we always have that connection with us.

Even more than that, however, we always have ourselves, and we have the qualities within us that make us good friends. We need only access these qualities and allow ourselves to experience them with ourselves rather than waiting for an external force to provide them to us.

When we feel ourselves giving in to the temptation to be less of a friend to ourselves than we are to our friends, let’s work to shift gears. Let’s provide ourselves with that openness, warmth, understanding, love, and advice we would offer our outside friends. Perhaps we do this through meditation, journaling, affirmation, gratitude geared toward our own wonderful qualities, or another activity. But let us start to practice learning how to be our own good friends

Let us hold ourselves in the same loving embrace we offer others, reminding ourselves that we are never alone, we are always loved, and that we always have our best friend with us.

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