“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy.”-- Unknown

There is a quote from the HBO series Big Little Lies that I just love. Reese Witherspoon’s character says with some enthusiasm, “I love my grudges. I tend to them like little pets.” I laugh every time I hear that quote, because Reese Witherspoon is just funny, but also because it rings so true in some ways. Don’t we all hold on to all kinds of negative things because it somehow makes us feel like we have control or power, because we are so sure we are “right,” because we don’t know how to let go, or just because we are so used to holding on that it doesn’t occur to us that we can actually do something different?

Think about it for a moment, though. What could possibly be helpful about holding on to a grudge, or anything else that leaves us feeling heavy? Grudges, anger, and/or resentments are great examples of just how unhelpful this is, because who suffers as a result of such holding on? The object of the anger? Perhaps a little if his/her feelings are hurt. The true sufferer, however, is the one holding on to the negativity. That kind of negativity is like a weight. It’s heavy, it is a burden, and it reduces quality of life for the holder.

Our bodies, our minds, our moods, our spirits all carry weight. It accumulates over time as we pick things up and decide to hold on. We keep that sweater we never wear anymore and schedule the event we don’t want to attend. We hold anger, worry about that thing that may or may not ever happen, get too busy to call a friend or take some rest. The more we accumulate on any level, the heavier we feel on all levels. And we suffer.

Sometimes the burden is real and we must temporarily carry it. During these times our heaviness and suffering are a normal response to an actual situation. We can accept it, breathe through it, let go of our need to control it, and take solace in the truth of its impermanence. These are practices that can help us through these temporary situations.

Very often, however, the burden we carry is one we don’t need, but we’ve become attached to it for some reason. We’ve decided to hold on to it even though it no longer serves us. It may be something that served us in the past but no longer does. It may be something that never helped us but for whatever reason we decided to keep it.

How can we possibly enjoy quality of life when we are carrying such burden? We can’t. We find it harder to enjoy life when we are carrying burden. Yet we still do it, in all aspects of our lives.

Let’s think about how we can lighten the load a bit. Look first at the “easy” things. Whenever my house becomes cluttered and/or dirty, or when I’m running around like a Tasmanian devil from one place to the next, or when I haven’t moved my body, I feel heavy and cranky. I clean a room or two, put away some laundry, whatever, and suddenly I can breathe in my house. I cancel an event or decide not to schedule another, and I can breathe a little easier. I exercise a bit, even if it’s just a walk with my dog, and I feel lighter.

Sometimes doing these “easier” external things have cascading effects and the mental/emotional heaviness also lightens. Sometimes it remains, however, and requires it’s own letting go and lightening process. When I’m worried about possible conflict, when I feel powerless, when I need something to be just as I want it, I feel heavy, tense, restricted. I know, however, that every time I sit in meditation or do a yoga sequence I lighten my mental load. Every nice interaction I have with others, even strangers, puts just a little more spring into my step. I feel lighter.

Sometimes these changes are imperceptible to others. The house still looks a mess, my weight hasn’t changed, no one can see my lighter mind nor can they see my springy step. I can feel it, however, and that is what truly matters. I feel lighter and easier. The smile more readily lands on my face and even arrives to my eyes. I’m quicker to laugh, easier and more connected with my kids. The tension in my neck and shoulders releases just a bit. My energy and motivation increase just enough to make my day feel easier, more smooth.

Little by little, I become lighter. Knowing that heaviness is not something we can get rid of forever but rather ebbs and flows, and that the goal is not to achieve lightness but rather to practice lightening, I remember there is no success or failure, there is no endpoint. There is only practice.

Today let’s think about where in our lives we are holding on “things” that no longer serve us. Maybe it’s a closet that needs to be decluttered, a schedule that needs to be re-evaluated, or an electronic device that needs to be put away. Perhaps it’s physical/body weight that needs to be reduced to make our bodies feel lighter and healthier. Or negative thoughts, worries, and/or emotions have become stuck, or connections with others have been put off until a later that never comes.

Whatever we find, let’s take just one small step toward lightening and see what happens.

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